interrogation scene in a movey where the guy refuses to cooperate and he’s like “fuck you” and spits blood and the people interrogating him are like “what the fuck. nobody’s even hit you yet. where did you get all that blood from”
Do you struggle with emotional regulation? Has a neurotypical ever told you you’re “overreacting”? For the low low price of screeching and punching them in the face this irritating and concerning behavior can be stopped today.
Neurotypicals who insist on maintaining eye contact are most likely cleverly disguised basilisks trying to turn you to stone. To avoid turning into stone, always wear mirrored sunglasses so they turn into stone instead. Anyone who asks you to take off your sunglasses are also basilisks and should be avoided.
NT place a high regard on one’s ability to recognize a person by their facial features even when they change their clothes and hair. In fact, they expect you to recognize that one person is related to another by similar features. Simulate this obsession by approaching every person and quickly grabbing their hand and pulling them toward you and whispering in their ear, “I remember you.”
Neurotypicals sometimes express empathy for physical injuries by scrunching up their face and hissing like a cat. Imitate this as frequently as possible.
((Note: this was submitted but i didn’t queue it properly, so the person who submitted got erased! I didn’t come up with this! ~ML))
The other day I had a really good idea for a story:
A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group think it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-
-then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other
#it would be better if somehow EVERY OTHER SHAKESPEARE WAS HAPPENING AT ONCE#like you got a benedict and beatice b-story#and then somebody see’s their dad’s ghost#and there’s cross-dressing#and three upperclassmen tell macbeth he will be drama club president
turning into a swarm of rats mid sentence while talking to someone
debating with your friends what bloodtype a human is based on arbitrary things (ie: “see, he just picked his nose when he thought no one was looking DEFINTELY a type-O” “oh fuck off we both know thats an AB move”)
citing “conservation of mass” as the reason you can turn into one (1) wolf but several rats or bats
Counting The Ceiling Tiles Game, Extreme Version (or, for that matter, ANY counting game, Extreme Version)
holding entire conversations with someone while standing on the ceiling and vehemently avoiding acknowledging or explaining why you are on the ceiling
almost getting yourself killed because you just couldnt stand not knowing what garlic bread tasted like even a second longer
“i need an entire extra closet, just for my eccentric cloaks” “what about your eccentric coats?” “two extra closets-” “what about your eccentric shawls?” “three extra closets-” “what about-” (repeat for as long as your friend can keep coming up with swishy articles of clothing)
feel free to add more
telling knock knock jokes while actually knocking at the door until the owner of the house you are trying to enter gets tired enough to give up and invite you in
looking in the mirror and loudly announcing “oh my god i look AMAZING”
